It’s Hard to Really Listen!

A key to effective communication is to listen, really listen. Not only will you be able to comprehend better, you will be able to provide a better response as well.
Why is it hard to listen?
Physical distractions - Everything from the voices around us, the temperature of the room, scents, and inadequate lighting affect our ability to pay attention or listen. We have a choice...tune them out or find a better space!
Message Overload – We get too much, too fast. Listen and reflect back key points and ask if you are correct. Do not assume that effective communication is just the sender’s responsibility.
Not maintaining eye contact – Look at the speaker directly. Do not multi-task! You know how it bothers you when others do it...so don’t be guilty of it yourself.
Assuming you know what they are going to say – Let the speaker finish without interrupting. You may learn that what you thought was so is not!
Judging prematurely – You decide before all the facts are presented. Try waiting and listening before you make a decision. Look for main and supporting points in the speaker’s message.
Rehearsing your response - Before you respond, repeat what you have heard. The chances of a better response is greatly increased if you do!
(From Business Communications - Hull & Associates)

Keys to a Positive Work Environment
Keep your employees informed – The more information your employees receive, the less they assume; and... the less chance for miscommunication and useless rumors and gossip.
- Transparency – Don’t hide things. If the goal is to work as a team, access to information is essential to success.
- Honesty – Information that you pass on to your employees must be true. 100% of the time!
Balance criticism with praise. – Correcting an employee’s mistakes is necessary and deciding on disciplinary action is appropriate, but also understand that people need to hear the good things they have done as well. People are motivated when they hear at least two praises for every criticism.
Public vs. Private - Praise in public, and more important...criticize in private.
Don’t over-work – Emphasize the importance of getting work done on time, meeting deadlines, and being productive. However, don’t forget the human factor. Unexpected circumstances occasionally arise and flexibility and caring build loyalty.
Learn to Laugh – Laughter is good for you. Remember to smile. Tell an appropriate funny joke here and there. Remember, that if you are poking fun at someone, it needs to be yourself. We spend way too much time at work to not enjoy the people we have around us.

The Corporate Couch - November/December 2009

Dear Dr. Mimi,
My boss doesn’t hide his contempt for me. He constantly criticizes me and he gives me the assignments that no one else will do. I don’t know what I did to deserve his rude behavior but I’m starting to lose my cool with him. Any advice?-
Scorned Staffer

Dear Scorned,
The term commonly used to describe your supervisor is “toxic.” Here are the four tips I commonly offer clients who work with a toxic boss:
1. Don’t take it personally. You’re a person first and an employee second. If your supervisor starts screaming at you or acts in some other way that is inappropriate be polite but make a choice not to buy into it.
2. Don’t compromise your ethics. If you are asked to do something you know is wrong, speak up, ask questions and politely decline.
3. Don’t seek revenge. Remember, success is the best revenge. Do not stoop to the level of your supervisor; it’s only likely to make the problem worse.
4. Don’t play the victim. Victims lose control and get dumped on more. Choose to have the personal power and toughness needed to succeed.

Are these things easier said than done? Oh course, but they sure beat crawling into a hole and sucking your thumb!
-Dr.Mimi

Conflict – Symptoms, Causes and Resolution.

1. What are the symptoms of the conflict? Symptoms include:
• Not completing work on-time or to quality goals
• Not returning phone calls, e-mails or requests for information
• Gossip, complaining, hostility, finger pointing, verbal abuse
• Not attending meetings, absenteeism
2. What caused the team conflict? Causes include:
• Poor or no communication
• Lack of clarity in purpose, goals, objectives, team and individual roles, resources and support
• Poor time management
• Lack of leadership and management
• Team members bored, not challenged, not really interested
• Personality conflicts
• Personal problems
3. What are the steps to resolve the conflict?A. Define the problem - Don’t start solving the problem. Defining the problem often contains the solution.
B. Gather data - Collect facts, that are actual, observable, and measurable, not hearsay or opinions.
C. Analyze the data - Analyze dynamics. Instead of saying we have personality conflicts, ask: Are team members able to work with each other or not? Have they been trained on different personalities?
D. Choose the best solution - Consider your observations and make a decision. Realize that you can’t always be right. If it doesn’t work, evaluate it and retry.
E. Implement and refine - Construct a plan with actions, timing and measurements that address each problem. Don’t try to fix everything at once. Work on one or two areas Be sure to:
• Attack the problem, not the person
• Focus on what can be done, not on what can’t .
• Encourage different opinions and honest dialogue
• Express feelings in a way that does not blame
• Accept ownership for your part of the problem
• Listen to understand the other person’s perspective before giving your own.
(From Conflict Management Seminar – Dr. Mimi Hull)

Can you Explain?

Explanation is a key attribute of leadership. John Baldoni says, “Leaders know to inject their communications with enthusiasm as a means of persuasion, but they also need to include an explanation for the excitement. What does it mean and why are we doing it are critical questions that every leader must answer.”
Here are three ways to become an effective explainer.
Define what it is. The purpose of an explanation is to describe the issue. For example, if you are pushing for cost reductions, explain why they are necessary and what they will entail. Put the issue into the context of business operations. Be certain to give the benefits.
Define what it isn't. Move into the "never assume mode." Be clear to define the exclusions. For example, returning to our cost reduction issue, if you are asking for reductions in costs, not people, be explicit. Otherwise employees will assume they are being axed. This is not simply true for potential layoffs but for any business issue.
Say what you want done. Establish expectations and call for action. Cost reductions mean employees will have to do more with less. Be specific. Leaders can also use the expectations step as a challenge for people to think and do differently.
Remember: Too much detail can put an audience to sleep, but too few details won’t be convincing.

Working with Veterans and Boomers

Corporate culture and the ability to get along with your co-workers is vital. The workforce is getting older, the young professional must learn how to interact with older co-workers. The fact is most middle and upper managers are boomers and veterans, who aren't going anywhere anytime soon.

To get on the good side of Veterans (born before 1946) at work, be sure to compliment their work and ask questions about their experience. Veterans enjoy talking about the past and mentoring young co-workers with a good work ethic. You can impress veterans by working hard for the ‘greater good of the company.” If you have only been with the organization for 6 months to a year, a veteran is not who you want to ask for a raise!

To get on the good side of boomers, compliment them on the hair, clothing, or style in general. Boomers still think they are young; so, it is important that they feel a part of the group. Ask questions that will allow them to talk about themselves. If you need to request money from a boomer for a project expense, be sure to show the value added.

In both cases, it is important for the young professional to understand the need for older co-workers to see your talents, skills, and experience before they notice your age. Be assertive but not aggressive. Older people have a tendency to compare you to the young people in their lives or neighborhood. This can be a gift as well as a curse! The key is to find some common ground on which to build working relationships and keep the focus on getting the work done, not on judging or measuring each other.

(From Bridging the Generation Gap – Dr. Mimi Hull)

Communication Tips
Successful communication is the key in any relationship. Improve your communication skills and see how your relationships at home and at work will improve. Effective communication occurs when two important things take place: the expression of a thought or feeling and the reception of that expressed concept. Good communication skills can be learned. Here are some tips that will help:

Think before you talk. It sounds so simple but many of us think as we talk. Feel free to say, “Let me think about it.” These five words can make a big positive difference.

Avoid having your nonverbal body language contradict your words—For example, don’t fold your arms in front of you and have a big frown when you are are saying you are open to suggestions. When the verbal and the nonverbal conflict, the nonverbal is the message that screams the loudest.

Be specific about what you are expressing. The greater the generality, the greater the possibility of misinterpretation.

Avoid expressing a belief or judgment, using a ”You message” like “You make me so frustrated.” It is better to use an “I-message” like, “I feel frustrated.”

Consider how you would react if the role was reversed and be other-oriented and think about the impact of your words on your audience.

Good communication needs ongoing practice, training, and experience. You can do it if you try.
(Taken from Communications Seminar by Dr. Mimi Hull)